Social Media Stalking – The Unspoken Downside for Business Professionals

Posted on August 21, 2010 by Sarah White

I am an evangelist of social media.  I am also a victim of it.

For the past year, I have been dealing in relative silence with a social media stalker.  I was threatened &  blackmailed about my reputation within the industry & my job and tracked 24/7 with every move I made.

Its been going on for 15 months now and while its gotten more normal in my life to deal with this on a daily basis – I still see the shock on others faces when they experience it with me for the first time.

In my state, they have recently updated the Stalking Law to read more vaguely to include internet, social media & cyber stalking regardless of where the person doing it lives:

940.32 Stalking. 40.32 (1) (a) 6m. Photographing, videotaping, audiotaping, or, through any other electronic means, monitoring or recording the activities of the victim. This subdivision applies regardless of where the act occurs.

So, I’m done hiding.

I owe a lot of this post to a woman I met at Blogher in NYC.  She experienced Social Media Stalking  during a break up with a boyfriend and it continued on for more than 18 months.   While circumstances were different, our fears & experiences were eerily similar and based around the fact that we were supposed to be strong, professional women.   After having someone you at one point had a professional or personal confidence with turn, you question how the personal things this person knows potentially impact your reputation as well as your career.  Ironically, for both of us, our career and professional image was the basis for most of the threats.

So, I thought I’d look into this issue a little more.   What I found was – as with many abusive situations – the embarrassment that goes along with the control and emotional abuse is almost worse than the physical and for professional women (& men) – either still establishing themselves in their industry or as an established figure, an all too common story about keeping quiet to keep up their appearances and move ahead in their career.

Online Stalker Statistics (2009, HaltAbuse.org)

  • 78% of Victims are Women
  • 61% Had a Prior Relationship (This doesn’t mean dating/etc – Just knew) with the Stalker
  • 17% Resulted in an escalation to physical violence

(Updated)  Over the first 48 hours this post was up I heard from huge numbers of people who have/are experienced this and wanted to add a few points:

  • An automatic sense of trust online that someone is who they say makes people accept fake profiles and for someone to gain a false trust as a “friend” over a few months or even years
  • Foursquare.  Do I need to say more.
  • I don’t minimize this is happening to men – a lot of men apparently.
  • Sometimes stalking just develops out of a weird interest via an acquaintance thanks to new tools — check out this post
  • Also – Check out this great Danny Brown post that is a great read that highlights some other experience and tips

For human resource professionals & business owners, I think we are only experiencing only the tip of the ice burg as to what we may be dealing with at our organizations in the coming years as people have personal brands, organizations get more social, and it is easier for people have great access to harass and/or intimidate former employees, coworkers or friends and is something that will not be easily covered in the “official social media policy” or by turning off access to Facebook or Twitter in your office.

Have something to say? Feel free to email me ImSoSarah@gmail.com – I’m open to hearing whatever you have to dish my way.

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The Value of Mentorship

Posted on August 19, 2010 by Sarah White

When I was in college I knew that if I had to get a “real” job (ie. I couldn’t be an actress or reporter)  I wanted to be in HR. Kinda shocking, I know – but I did HR internships every chance I got (4!) and even worked in both the career services & human resource departments of the University for added experience.

But I never found someone that was willing to mentor me.  Instead I found people fed up with the system and bureaucracy and in a job where they never felt like the really had any power.  The were sad. They scared me. I didn’t want to be sad or scared or have no power to really make change.  I knew I had to re-evaluate and find a passion, a niche, a focus within HR to really get excited about.

So I started calling CEO’s of companies all over Wisconsin & Illinois and asking to come and sit down with them for 20 minutes.  I must have interviewed 20 or 30 leaders and  I masked the conversations as a project I was coincidentally working on for my leadership class – but what I was really doing was interviewing people that I thought could be potential mentors for me.

That’s right – I was interviewing mentors FOR ME!  I realized that no one really wanted or had time to be a mentor so they weren’t going to be falling into my lap and if I wanted one – I better find one that I liked, who I thought I could learn from then spend a good chunk of time fighting for what I want.

And that is exactly what I did.  I found the CEO who happened to own an Executive Search Firm, was tuned into corporate life in our area and didn’t want to mentor anyone.  In fact, it took 4 months for my him to agree to do so. I joke with him now that the only reason he agreed was to get me to leave him alone and stop calling.  But my persistence paid off and not only was he a mentor, but he was also my first employer out of college.  He challenged me, called me out and put me in my place all while teaching, guiding and encouraging.  It was truly something I couldn’t get anywhere else.

It was an amazing character building experience and I was hooked on mentors & learning.

But I had the mentorship experience all wrong.

It would be just another short year before I met the person who really evolved my path into something that was a passion and I’ve never been shy about yelling that from the rooftop.  Just ask Gerry Crispin yourself – I must tell him how much he impacted my life at least a few times a year.  If you aren’t familiar with him – at the next conference you are at – hunt me down and I will personally introduce you.  He is my “must know” person in the room for recruiters & vendors and am so honored now to officially claim him as a friend and mentor.

Gerry’s mentorship and advices started out much differently – in fact it was a brief side comment at a Cornell Graduate Seminar on ATS he was teaching in 2002 about repositioning myself that resonated and he didn’t even know it.  I was 1 year out of school and within 3 months changed my career path totally.  We didn’t cross paths again until 2006 when I had been brought in to present a General Session for an canceled speaker at Kennedy Information.   He came up after the presentation to commend me on a job well done and reintroduced himself – not knowing the impact he had already had on my career.  I just smiled and I’m pretty sure gave him a hug.

Mentorship is a gift that few people get the opportunity to take advantage of – partially because most of us don’t recognize mentorships unless it is a name handed to us in an envelope from HR.   My outlook on life and mentoring and being mentored has evolved significantly through the years – realizing that I can be as easily mentored by a recent college grad as I could be by a boomer CEO – if I just listen and understand their perspective.

I now can count more people than I can name as people that have served or still serve as mentors to me – Susan Burns, Joel Cheesman, Jennifer McClure, Chris Hoyt, and Eric Winegardner among others – not because I knew them or they had a clue who I was – but because what they said in their blogs, their sessions, side conversation & more made me think, dive deeper into my own self and really challenge me.  In the process, I have become friends with some of these people and others, well, still may not know I exist – and that is ok – because I gain value from the relationship and one day I hope to provide the same value to readers of this blog as well.

Being a good mentoree is a hard thing to do – it requires reflection, admittance of mistakes, personal evolution and an amazingly open mind to listen and look past differences, titles, age and so many other things that separate us.  As you can see from my personal experience, a mentor relationship doesn’t have to be formal – in fact they don’t even HAVE to know you are listening so closely.  You just have to be open to learning and the rest will follow.

Who in your life are you shutting out that you may learn the greatest insight from…

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Mean Girls, Twitter, & Why I get Upset at “Experts”

Posted on August 3, 2010 by Sarah White

“How do I handle the Mean Girls?” on twitter.

Its not often I get compared to Lindsay Lohan.  I’m at least excited it was done at the highpoint of her career vs. the sitting in jail (now) part of the career.

I’ve spent a lot of my career helping small to mid sized businesses learn about how new technologies can benefit their organization and give them the competitive advantage with the bigger players out there; From helping companies start using online recruiting in the late 90′s to understanding the impact HR Technology can have through the early & mid 2000′s to integrating social media in the workplace in the late 2000′s to current.  I spent a large chunk of my career working in a non profit association providing the services to companies pro bono because I believe in the cause.  I want nothing more than for organizations to be educated, comfortable and able to really understand and make the best decision for what will (or will not) work for their company.

In the past few years, I have been honored to develop some really great relationships with people that are what I would truly consider to be “Social Media” experts (even if they don’t).  The ones that help even if there is no money in it for them.  The ones that give more than a powerpoint presentation when they speak – they give advice and answers to provide real business results. The ones that just want to evangelize.

I am highly critical of the so called “Social Media Experts” that have never actually used it in a real life setting, the ones that saw a financial benefit then started selling a service, the ones that don’t really understand the value it can bring and the ones more interested in hearing themselves talk then learning from the community.  The ones that demean the actual success and value that the true leaders in Social Media (HR or Not) can provide to an organization.

The ones that call themselves “Experts” over and over and over.

If you want to provide value (as an expert) to entry level audiences on social media here are my suggestions:

1.  SHOW what social media is – you can’t just do a ton of powerpoints to teach intro (or any) levels of social media

2.  Don’t tell everyone over and over how much an expert you are

3.  Allow conversation and questions

4.  Adjust your presentation to the audience

There are a lot of people that need to train and educate on social media in their jobs, lives and through random discovery.  This post isn’t a slam on not helping as much as you can – I encourage everyone to pay it forward as much as you can and help to the level you are comfortable.  I am not a “Mean Girl” I just want better for companies that really want to learn.  Regardless of your experience level – there is value you can add to a newer user of social media.  Just please don’t continually refer to yourself as an “expert”.  A true expert never has to tell everyone how great they are.

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The Experience of Change

Posted on July 26, 2010 by Sarah White

Change is hard.  It’s also inevitable.  Each and every day we have to address the changes that are thrown upon us from our work, friends, loved ones and even random strangers.  Change gives us a feeling of fear, relief, growth and hope all at once – yet many people never create the change they want to experience until it is forced on them.  Why?  Because there are always a million reasons not to make the changes you want to make.   Its always easier to leave things as is but in my blog’s case – It needed change.

So….I did it – I got a new design, made the change happen and am asking for some feedback…

What do you think?  Love it?  Hate It?  Think the color should change?

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A goodbye letter to .jobs

Posted on July 13, 2010 by Sarah White

Dear .jobs,

This is a hard letter to write – but I know it must be done.  It seems like just yesterday when we first met – but its been almost 5 years.  In that time, I always wanted to believe in you and think what you were saying was true.  I was young and hopeful and really did think that you were going to change the world.

I’m in my 30′s now, .jobs, and while I still wish for that youthful love and world conquering idealism I once had with you – the dream has faded – partially because of the reasons I pointed out in 2007 on the mis-steps and marketing errors and pricing structure and lack of buy in  and ….  but I still hoped for your sake I was wrong.

I know we had some moments of glimmer and you told me about all the wonderful things you were going to do for me.  But now, its just sad.  The time to strike was hot a few years ago and the relationships are lost.

I’ve moved on .jobs.  I’ve seen that love .com and I shared was real and the “Ohh Shiney” stuff that you offered was not real.   He does what he says.  He shows up in google searches.  His domains are only $6.99 with a discount code at GoDaddy.  He gets hits because its where my job seekers want to go.   We are happy, our career sites are thriving.    Please stop and leave us alone.  Leave SHRM alone – they are getting this social media thing finally figured out – please let them focus on that.

Sincerely,

Me

PS.  Thanks to @jobboarddoctor for his post today on ERE which made me get all worked up over this issue again.  Read it.  He’s right.  Only 1 winner.

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What companies (and jobseekers) should learn from MTV Movie Awards

Posted on June 7, 2010 by Sarah White

I’ve mentioned it before, but I love movies and the way that regardless of what is going on in our economy, lives, politics, world, etc a good movie can totally take you out of it and introduce you into a world unknown for a period of time.  I also love the lessons that we can learn from watching them – on life, risk taking, love, friendship, forgiveness and of course recruiting & branding.

20 Years ago – An Oscar was THE goal.  It was credibility, notoriety, fame, fortune and the physical manifestation of success.  Today its is the same thing with a interesting way to select movies that half the US population never will see.

20 Years Ago – The MTV Movie Awards didn’t exist.  But in the last 19 years it has evolved into being the one place where movies that people actually watch over and over and over – regardless of their technical and acting quality can be recognized for simply being awesome.

The Oscar is like the HR’s answer to the “Best Places to Work List”

The MTV Movie award is where your friends love to work.

(Now, select the alternate ending of the blog that best meets your needs)

I’m A Company:

Having a “best places to work” icon on your career site is great and a huge feat and something every company should be extremely proud of.  But don’t expect it to sell its self any more.  People aren’t looking at that as the end all be all of great places to actually work.  Its an icon, like an Oscar, but we all know that where people fill the seats and spend the money isn’t always on the oscar contenders.   Make sure that you are selling your company for what makes it unique an some of the features that aren’t always considered on those lists.

MTV Movie awards does the basics (best female lead, best movie…blah blah) but what makes them stand out and unique is they do other categories like best kiss or best WTF moment.  And the other categories aren’t wasted on things like costume and make up design because, well, people EXPECT that to be there in movies now.  You only playing up your branding around your excellent benefits or other things that everyone else on that list can offer is actually putting you at the disadvantage.  Job Seekers are EXPECTING that – especially from a Oscar Worthy organization.

I’m A JobSeeker:

So, you are out there searching for a job.  You are like an actor that is reading over 2 scripts determining if your next best career move is the oscar worthy epic where you will have a bit part or if it is the potential summer break out hit where you will have a bit part.

Don’t feel pressure to “want” to work at the companies on the “best places to work” or where your friends love to work.  Its ok to work for the quirky off the wall place that everyone just loves to work at but doesn’t win any awards.  As you look for your next role – take a look at those lists, but also take a look at other places that you hear about, read about on social media or online or just randomly see a opening at.   Decide for yourself based on conversations with current employees, the feel you get when you walk in for your interview, the way you are treated throughout the process to make your decision and where the “best place to work for you”.

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The reason why there aren’t more women leaders in social media

Posted on May 17, 2010 by Sarah White

Honestly, its because we women often suck.

We are competitive and jealous and insecure and catty and feel that we need to tear each other down to build ourselves up. We look at other successful, beautiful, intelligent women and think that we have to be better from them vs. learning, supporting & partnering with them.

b2b coaching business womanIts always been a issue I’ve wondered about and in an offline discussion at #ungeeked last week with Chris Brogan and Sally Hogshead when she flat out asked him why she thought there were so few women leaders in social media by comparison to men – his answer was simple – they tear each other down!

Its a uniquely female thing.  And it needs to end. We don’t see this happening with men in our industry – in fact many of the men within social media have amazingly quick rises to success because of the massive support of female “fans” – yet when the tables are turned – the support is just completely lacking.  In the business world, we have some left over remnants of a 1970′s life that makes us think that there are only so many “spots” for women in business and we are only competing with each other vs with all of the people we work with (men).  I’ve seen women in their 50′s tear down and almost punish younger women coming into the work force while supporting and almost mentoring the young men that came into the same situation.  I’ve seen women in their late 20′s and early 30′s refuse to even talk to other women in their industry space because they view them as competition vs. a potential partner.

I’ve got an amazing network of men in my industry that have taught me so much about my career path, going after what I want and not making apologies for anything.  At the same time, I realized that in HR, we are lucky to have a strong group of women who want to encourage and support the growth of one another and through that I have grown and developed both professionally and as a person through amazing relationships that I have developed and by listening to the advice of with strong, intelligent women in our industry like Laurie Ruettimann, Jenny DeVaughn, Susan Burns and more.

So, here’s the deal – you will never ever ever ever be the smartest, cutest, nicest, prettiest, youngest, most popular, most respected, most coveted, blah blah blah.

So my message is pretty simple:

Grow up. Support One Another. Don’t be a bitch.

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Why do we forget about Gen X? #HRevolution #generational #geny #boomers

Posted on May 13, 2010 by Sarah White

“What about Gen X?  Why does everyone forget about us?  How come its all about gen y and boomers? We matter too!”    A gen x’er asked while we were out and about in Chicago after my generational panel last weekend at #HREvolution.

“Because you aren’t loud enough” was my response.

The truth of the matter is that people sell and talk about things that other people listen to and are willing to pay for.  Advertisers pay more for certain shows because people watch them.  Certain colleges charge more than others because they have created a demand and people will pay for it.  You look at the agenda before you register for a conference – why?  because you want to see if you have an interest in what is going on.

Lets face it Gen Y is loud.  We tweet, blog, write, speak a lot.  We have a lot of names, faces, websites and everything else to keep us in the mix.  A lot of what we do isn’t self serving – its about helping other Gen Y’er move forward in the world.   Its about sticking up for ourselves in the “gen y sucks” world.  Its about a group of people that have always been social and public and just using their technology to enhance those relationships.

The truth is that Gen Y wouldn’t be that big of a deal and we wouldn’t talk about it so much if the boomers wouldn’t have started talking about them and then developing experts (who weren’t even gen y) to go out and talk to companies about this “crazy” new group of youngin’s coming.  So, quite honestly we wouldn’t be the way we were if it weren’t for the boomers.

So, to wrap it up – yes we talk about Gen Y alot – Its all the boomers fault – and oh, shoot – I totally forgot to talk about Gen X again.

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Here’s the Not So Corporate #HRCarnival

Posted on April 14, 2010 by Sarah White

So…they let me host the HR Carnival this go around.  It was great to connect with some new bloggers that I didn’t know before and read some of the posts that I missed over the past few weeks….Enjoy!

Social Media In HR? – Yep, we are still talking about that….

Where do we event start with Social Recruiting? Craig Fisher at Fishdogs fills us in!

Understanding Social Media Strategy by Ben Eubanks at UpstartHR  (Sweet infographic made using rocket pop ice cream. How can you go wrong?)

Maybe it should be called Uncivilized hmmm…. the folks at HRMarketer make you think about your online persona

JobSeeker?  Learn from the pros….

Learn about Secret Jobseeker Tips by Bryon Abramowitz at The HR Technologist

Mark Stelzner at Inflexion Advisors tells you how to Get a Life – Not a Job!

Read about some real life Interview Horror Stories on Rich DeMatteo’s Cornonthejob.com blog from his #jobhuntchat

The HRMinion gets deep with Locus of Control

3 Ways to Manage Your Career Like Sharon Jones and The Dap-Kings Very cool post (and a sxsw video) from Marsha Keeffer

Want some HR Generalist knowledge?  These are so great I almost bought a cat & pant suit.  (KIDDING!! I’m just jealous I don’t have an SPHR.  Seriously.  I want one.)

Lisa Rosendahl asks WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY WITH ME?? on her blog Simply Lisa.

When you talk – Do people listen? Read the Devon Groups post on how to take advantage of this.

HR 2.0 – What’s Next – (Refreshingly, its surprisingly non technical or social) by Cathy Missildine-Martin

The Power of Why (the answer isn’t because I said so) by Joe Brown

Do you do Stay Interviews? I didn’t know they existed.  Thanks to Kari Quaas - now I do.

Three Reasons to Treat Your Employees Right (Right Now) by Krista Francis

Get yourself some Compensation, Benefits & Laborishness – Oh My…

Need a round up on New Labor Relations Board – the brilliant Mike Vandevort over at HR Race Horses made it so easy even I got it!

The Talent Junction Blog wants you to really understand how to use Variable Compensation as a Motivation & Retention Tool

And a few posts about my true love….Technology….from some of the smartest people on the block.

Some software Demo tips for CUSTOMERS from the InfoBox blog of Mike Krupa

Naomi Bloom is filling us in on the new Workday changes at InFullBloom (If you don’t read her blog -you should- there are always a few random, wild stories mixed in with great technology info!)

What am I Working On? A post by Steve Boese talking about how new technology is more than just getting it in – its making it work for your culture that counts!

Be a better leader in just a few minutes with these tidbits of wisdom…

Is there an Inclusion Illusion?  Read what Joe Gerstandt has to say

Reminder to remember others with a touching post by David Kovacovich called The Watch

Chris Young challenges you to do a Team 360 Performance Feedback now to better lead the rest of the year

Forget the Research… There are Only 3 Types of People by Ben McCall at RethinkHr

Wally Bock  fills us in on the The Myth of Perfect Productivity and how we keep doing studies on obvious things – like time getting wasted at work. Brilliant.

And to be honest – these were all just really random and didn’t fit anywhere else…

Drew Tarvin explores the humor at work at the Detroit Airport.

Trish McFarlane at HR Ringleader talks about why you should come see Chicago and a lot of the HR Bloggers at HREvolution next month!

Going Humble with the Amish a guest post on GreatLeadershipbyDan.com blog

Take a big girl pill with me!

Ahh…the reality of getting skipped over for a promotion and what to do when you are too good at your job, so your boss can’t afford to lose you.

Some songs about work… (This may be my personal favorite – I love song blogs)


As a side note -I know I missed someone –

  1. If it was an accident & it was you – i’m VERY VERY sorry -email me and I’ll add it right away.  This is a ton of work and I’m sure I made a mistake.
  2. If it wasn’t an accident & it was you – I can’t in good faith just post a blog that is an obvious sales pitch for your services.  Seriously.  I’m So Corporate is a sarcastic blog title.  I hate being sold to and hate people trying to hide a sales pitch into a very obvious sales pitch blog.  So emailing me a new post is probably a better option than sending the same sales pitch as before and i’ll be happy to post it.

Thanks everyone for participating in this weeks #HRCarnival and a huge thank you to @hrminion for letting me fill in and help out this week!

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Taking a Big Girl Pill to Succeed in Business & Life

Posted on March 29, 2010 by Sarah White

Sometimes things don’t go the way you expected them to.  The time, effort and personal investment we put into something that simply ended in nothing more than a simple “that’s it” in the story of life can be an emotional toll.   The high you ride when things are great and moving along in the right direction often opens its way to a melancholy state of contentment where you are sure they are moving still – but not sure if its the direction you want to be headed until the anti-climatic end to things that you held so close for so long is often more of a let down the then event its self.

I remember the same type of emotion when I was recruiting full time.  The emotional high you get off of things clicking together just right is amazing. When a candidate you know is a perfect gets an offer and you know it changes their life. When you were able to fill a position that had been sitting open for months because you thought of a different way to do it.   Then, the meh way you feel when you are scoring a few wins, but not any slam dunks then the downturn you get when things start going wrong.  The offer you sent out was declined.  The sure thing candidate blew it with the hire manager. The person that sounded so great on the phone was a dud in real life.  You start second guessing what you do, how you missed the signs and your role in the events that played out.

Its at that point you need to take your Big Girl Pill and suck it up.  You have to realize the life (and business lessons) that you are learning or be doomed to repeat them again.

What you learn via a Big Girl Pill:

  1. People make mistakes.  If you don’t – then you are making the mistake to assume you don’t make mistakes.  Don’t dwell on your mistakes and don’t hold mistakes over other peoples heads.
  2. Learn from everything.  Whether its you or someone else that you watch crash and burn – understand what happened and how you can do things differently.
  3. Get over yourself.  You can NOT control other people’s actions.  You can only control your own actions and how you respond to other people’s behavior.  Don’t dwell on things you can’t change.  Don’t wish people would change.
  4. Be a friend. Even when someone doesn’t deserve it.  Being compassionate and understanding gives you more than it gives anyone else.  So this is really a bit of a selfish one, but being a bit@h really doesn’t do any good.
  5. Grow up. Not everything you do is going to be great.  You will fail.  A lot.  You will suck.  A lot.  Don’t be a baby and blame other people – be accountable when you F up.
  6. You are awesome.  No matter what goes wrong, if you tried your best then that is all you (or anyone else) can ask of you. Don’t doubt and second guess yourself.  Revert back to #2 as needed.  (Let the Gen Y color’s fly)

A big girl pill isn’t always the easiest thing to swallow.  It requires you to evaluate your self and your role in your life.  It requires you to make adjustments and learn.  It requires you to have confidence, modesty, empathy and humility all at once.  It requires you to be able to move on.  It may not be the easiest thing to swallow, but it will allow you to grow and develop faster than anything else professionally ever could.

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